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Week in Review: Crying For No Reason

On Wednesday night, my sweetie and I went to Tokyo Joe’s for a quick supper, since I was low on food and didn’t really feel like cooking. I got my favorite–the Boulder Bowl, with brown rice, tofu, and lots of veggies–and only ate about half, stashing the leftovers in a to-go box. When we’d gotten about a block down the road, I realized I’d left my leftovers on the table.

“I’m just gonna check to see if they’re still there,” I said to my boyfriend. “You head on.”

I wasn’t surprised that the staff had already cleared the table and thew away my leftovers. I’m sure they probably can’t keep someone’s forgotten leftovers for health reasons, which makes complete sense.

But I was, for some reason, really emotional. Like, much more than I knew was rational. I got back to the car and I started to tear up. I knew it wasn’t a big deal. It was less than $5.00 worth of food. I could have had it for a meal the next day, but I certainly wasn’t going to go hungry without it.

I felt, though, like I wanted to cry. I really just wanted to get emotional.

I’m not sure I can say why I cried like that. My hormones seldom affect my emotions that strongly. Admittedly, I struggle with keeping track of small personal objects, and it does tend to get me down. Maybe it was the accumulated stress of my missing phone, my bent sunglasses, and all the other junk actually pretty useful stuff I’ve lost this summer. Maybe it was the stress of starting a new semester, which has been okay so far but is definitely picking up in terms of responsibilities. Maybe I just haven’t had a good cry in a while.

Saturday, I sliced into my index finger peeling some squash for hummus and started absolutely bawling. It’s a good thing my roommate wasn’t around, or she would have thought I was nuts.

Weird.

It’s actually been a pretty good week, all and all, despite the unwarranted waterworks. Here are some highlights. Thanks to Meg for my favorite weekly linkup!Week in ReviewMonday I was still at my parents house in Kansas–which is weird to type because it feels like longer than one week ago. My mom and I started the morning by going out on a bike ride. We planned on a pretty short ride but I ended up feeling great and we did a full 30-miler. I couldn’t believe how fit I felt! It was the most noticeably I’ve ever felt the altitude effect–my body was used to functioning at 8000 feet, and goodness, I felt like I could go go go. Gotta love those red blood cells!dscn1916Tuesday and Friday I also made it to spin class at CSU. I tried a new class called “Ride & Define” involving upper body strength exercises with small hand weights. Oof!DSCN1926I posted a day in the life and a post about grocery staples to have around in a low-FODMAP kitchen.DSCN1928I taught Wednesday and Friday, including my favorite lesson, in which my students rhetorically analyze this video. (It’s a great one if you haven’t seen it.)

Wednesday night was swing dance.

Thursday I went to a reading by Steven Church, a creative nonfiction writer and CSU alum. I had no idea until the reading that he graduated from my alma mater…and my other alma mater! (i.e. my high school and my undergraduate institution) By the time I graduate, we’ll have gotten our diplomas, bachelors and masters from the same three institutions. How crazy is that?!dscn1946He’s also a wonderful writer and speaker and I really want to read his work now.

Saturday I went to a friend’s birthday party. The theme was “dreaming,” and everyone was asked to come in a costume that related in someway to dreaming. I wore my old fallback–the Dorothy costume–since I figure all of the Wizard of Oz is basically a dream, depending on how you interpret it.dscn1948-2Saturday morning I also went to the farmers’ market and decided to experiment with a little sorbitol in my diet–in the form of a peach. It went much better than the last time I experimented with a peach in my diet, although I still don’t feel great as I’ve been feeling lately, which indicates that sorbitol might still be troublesome for me.dscn1947In other IBS news, I went #2 every single day this week! I know that’s totally TMI, but hey, this blog is about IBS, and in my world, keeping things regular is a big deal. Probiotics ftw!

Sorry not sorry.

The farmers’ market also resulted in a delicious eggplant-y soba noodle dish from America’s Test Kitchen on Sunday night.dscn1952And also on Sunday, besides grading and doing work for my internship, I went to the Spice & Tea Exchange to use a giftcard–a birthday present from my sweetie. I got some jade green and some rooibos chai. Because it’s getting close to chai season.dscn1951The teapot was also a birthday gift, in this case from my sister-in-law.

And with that….

Oh oh oh! I almost forgot the most time-consuming and stressful accomplishment of this week: a draft of an essay for my nonfiction workshop, which I’m hoping may also be a chapter in my thesis. With former pieces that I’ve written about my eating disorder, folks in my program asked me to explain more about how I came to have anorexia–a valid question, since I tend to allude that topic in my writing. But it’s also hard to articulate sometimes. At no point was it a choice or something that happened all at once, so it’s a little hard to say this-and-such was the cause. But I’m trying at least to explain a bit more clearly.

I’ve written about how I came to develop an eating disorder on the blog as well (here and here), although not to the same level of detail.

And with that….

I am actually done. Have a great week, friends!

Have you ever asked for a to-go box at a restaurant and then forgot to take it with you?

Have you ever experienced a big change in ability due to altitude (either going up or coming down?)

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14 comments

  1. Diane Wahto says:

    I often forget my to-go leftover food, which disappoints Pat because he likes it when I bring home something from a restaurant. Of course, he won’t go to the restaurant with me, so if he misses out it’s his fault. I almost walked off the other day without picking up the few groceries I’d bought. One day, if the clerk hadn’t said, “Ma’am, ma’am,” I would have walked out without paying for the groceries. This may sound like dementia, but it’s not. I know what it is. I keep thinking about all the things I need to do and I fail to focus. I also lose things every so often, or misplace them. If I didn’t keep notes on everything I need to do, I would never get anything done. I started doing this when I started teaching. I still do it. It’s a good feeling to go down the list and mark things off as I complete them.

  2. Diane Wahto says:

    And. as for crying, I used to do that too. Now I just get irritated and let whatever is bothering me go. I suppose that’s one of the benefits of growing older. You do learn to let go a lot.

  3. Sometimes for whatever reason or no reason at all, ya just need a good cry. They can be cathartic so I say roll with it. Embrace the tears and then move on. 🙂

    Great job on the essay and potential thesis work. I imagine writing about that stuff can be draining mentally so go you. Also huge kudos on the #2 action. I talk about poop all the time these days, usually the babies, so it’s not TMI for me. Ha!

    Happy Monday and thanks for linking up.

    1. Joyce says:

      Yeah, you’re pretty open on your blog, Meghan. I guess it’s a mom thing. 🙂

  4. Dare I argue with your judgement and say crying was completely warranted? Because I had a good old crying session this past week, too, and I think we all need to let go of it at times. Probably more often than we ‘allow’ ourselves. It’s cathartic when a lot of untended feelings have built up.
    Your Dorothy costume is cute and now I want somebody else to invite me to a costume party, too.
    How long have you been doing Swing dance? My parents are avid Swing dancers.
    It’s great you’re writing about your ED because while I imagine hard at times it’s a way of helping other people understand this mental illness better.
    I’d better end this now because my comment already is all over the place. Happy Monday, Joyce!

    1. Joyce says:

      Of course you can argue with my judgment. Thanks for the encouraging words. I’ve been going to swing dance since 2010, although not continuously by any means. I started doing it pretty seriously a couple years ago.

  5. Cora says:

    Bahahah. Major congrats on the continual #2 action girl. This is good!!
    (ever since my trip volunteering in Asia – where I got an intestinal bacterial infection and didn’t poop for 2-3 weeks, poo talk is absolutely nothinngggg to me).
    And about the crying. Sometimes we – our hormones – just make no sense. But if you need to cry, you just gotta cry. I get it though. You and I both know what its like to always be losing things, so sometimes when we have one of “our” moments it just feels like the world is crashing down on us…… again. To others it may not be a big deal but I’m always then responding, “but I ALWAYS do this…”
    Many exciting things for you this year. Your thesis writing very much included. I’m glad to hear you’ll be continuing with your Swing dancing for a fun stress reliever.

    1. Joyce says:

      Icky! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve gone 2 weeks without seeing any number 2’s before, and that sucked big time.
      I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who’s always losing things. It’s like, every little thing, even when it’s not that big of a deal, can trigger this whole big feeling of failure!

  6. Emily says:

    It’s okay to cry; I’m thankful that God made us with emotions; that’s what makes us human, not robots. <3 And I totally sometimes cry because I'm just feeling emotional.

    <3 And I'm kind of on the other end of the spectrum when it comes to digestion… I always thought I might have some sort of IBS, but maybe not?

    1. Joyce says:

      I’m glad we’re humans and not robots too. 🙂
      You might–it’s unfortunately common among eating disorder survivors, and both diarrhea and constipation are common symptoms. It least, it can be useful to know because there are definitely treatments available.

  7. Quill says:

    I’ve had some interesting experiences when it comes to altitude. I once took a trip to New Orleans (which is actually BELOW sea level!) and we went for a night-time run. Running through a strange city at night out of sight of my classmates (this was a High School trip) was a little eerie, but not particularly scary, and nothing came of it, just don’t tell the district (that just about sums up everything that happened on that trip – we sort of had an unspoken agreement to not speak of much of it). While I normally can’t run worth crap, I found I could run seemingly forever, probably ran about four miles non-stop, if I remember right, usually I can’t run a quarter-mile without getting winded. Felt awesome. But I’ve had some other experiences that make me think I might perform better at high altitude. Once many years ago rode bikes in Germany (maybe 200′ elevation) and found it to be much harder. Even if I could ride harder, the thicker air slowed me down, which made it overall more difficult. During other school trips, one in Costa Rica, another in Eastern Europe (I went to a really weird charter school) we were mostly at low elevation, all of us felt a bit lethargic, but once on each of those trips we went up a mountain or mountain pass, up to the altitude we’re used to, and all of us actually felt very good, lively and energetic. In Costa Rica, at what was supposed to be a brief rest-stop, an Ultimate Frisbee game broke out. The cooler temperature at altitude may have been a factor as well though.
    As for the emotional bit – I generally don’t cry, at least not tearing up – it’s just something that doesn’t tend to happen to me, but I do often have times I just feel down, sort of the equivalent. Sometimes for good reason, other times I have no idea why. Mainly I just don’t feel like doing anything. I usually just roll with it, let it pass. With any emotion, particularly sadness or anger, I always think of a safety valve on a boiler – let a little steam out when needed and everything is fine. Stop that and things can go boom. I think a lot of people suffer because they try to suppress their emotions, as society tells people (especially men) they should do.

  8. I completely understand about crying for no reason. It’s never fun, but it happens to all of us though, sometimes you just got to let it happen.
    Also, your teapot is perfect! So cute!

    http://www.justbeingbrooklyn.com

    1. Joyce says:

      I do love my little teapot. 🙂

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