Friends! The deadline for No-Shame November is fast approaching–Saturday, November 5.
Haven’t heard of No-Shame November? It’s an opportunity to take a small personal risk and go a little bit outside of your comfort zone to stand up for what you believe in. For more information on how to participate and submit, take a look here.
Linking up with Amanda’s Thinking Out Loud over at Running with Spoons to spread the word!
And…I’m ready to share mine!
I actually had a totally different idea in mind for my No-Shame November, but I went to Sierra Trading Company a few weeks ago to buy a warm pair of gloves and protect my hands from the cold. And I found…this!Okay, just the bottom. I’ve had the top since spring.
For those of you who don’t follow my blog, I have a history with an eating disorder and a longer history of disordered eating–using food and exercise to manipulate my body weight and shape out of anxiety and fear.
For a lot of that time, I remember that I owned a bikini–one I got when I was in junior high, actually–but that I never actually wore it. Every time I put it on in the privacy of my own home, I felt fat and unattractive, even though I knew intellectually that I was at a “healthy” weight. I remember imagining sometimes, like when I’d work out, that if I just got skinny enough, then I’d be able to wear a bikini.
Seems dumb, I know. As someone who lived in Kansas at the time and visited the beach about as often as I visited a shopping mall (virtually never), I had no occasion to wear a bikini, let alone worry about what others might think when they saw me in it.
But that’s how eating disorders go. Your mind gets stuck on this thing–often something that never even mattered to you before–and it won’t let go.
I did eventually get to a place where I thought I was “skinny enough” to wear a bikini. I was also extremely miserable in myriad other ways.
Since I’ve been in recovery, I often remind myself that you should never be ashamed to wear something that shows your body. Swimwear is supposed to be minimal, and bodies are just bodies. Nothing to be ashamed of, or proud of, for that matter. But despite thinking that, I never actually took the risk to wear one myself.
So I saw this bikini at Sierra Trading Co. and I thought, it’s time to prove to yourself that the body you have now is good enough.
So I bought the damn bikini bottom. It helps that it was marked off like 70%. 😛
I even wore it to the sauna at my student rec center, where I was previously kicked out because, apparently, you have to be in a bathing suit to be in the sauna at the student rec center. Why I don’t know.
What I learned? It was fine. No one looked at me funny or tried to tell me that I shouldn’t have been wearing what I was wearing. No one thought it was anywhere near a big a deal as I did. Actually, I felt as ignored as I usually do at the gym in my dorky cycling tights. Just a gal doing her thing.
Looking forward to hearing what you share for No-Shame November!