I’m constantly using the word “enough” when I talk about what I eat.
I’ll get done with a meal and say, “I’m still hungry” and my boyfriend will say “Well, why don’t you eat more?” And I’ll say, “No. I’ve had enough.”
Or I’ll be confused about why I’m hungry at a time I don’t expect to be and say “That’s weird. That lunch should have been enough.”
It’s not that there’s anything inherently wrong with the concept of “enough”–it’s just that usually when I say “enough,” I’m talking about something external to my body and what it’s actually telling me it needs and wants.
This was a big problem, of course, when I had disordered eating. I had in my head that a certain calorie number each day was “enough” (it wasn’t), and I would often eat mini-meals instead of real meals because I thought it would be “enough” to hold me over until the next meal. But it wasn’t really enough–my hormones disappeared, my period stopped, I started getting cold all the time, and I couldn’t concentrate–all signs that my body wasn’t really getting what it needed to perform all its functions.
Even after I was weight-restored, I frequently caught myself back in that habit of saying, “Oh, this meal is enough.” Sure, I’d adjusted what I thought of as “enough” food. But did I get my period back? Nope. Still not really enough. It wasn’t until quite recently–in the past half a year or so, having bumped up my intake beyond even what my weight-restored self thought of as “enough,” that I finally got my cycle back.
So what I’ve been trying to focus on lately is ignoring that “enough” voice. It hasn’t made me healthier. It hasn’t made me happier. It hasn’t done anything for me, as far as I can tell, except make me anxious and hungry.
With this in mind, sharing a full day of eats for Jenn’s What I Ate Wednesday linkup.Breakfast was mesa sunrise cereal with lactose-free milk and bananas, plus vegan soy sausage and tea, of course!I got a bit of a slow start out the door, reading blogs and packing lunch, plus my bus commute takes a while. By the time I got to work, I was quite hungry again!
I was very tempted to tell myself that I’d eaten “enough” at breakfast to not need to eat again so soon. Instead, I told that voice to shut up and ate a Clif bar.At lunch time I wasn’t feeling hugely hungry, but I knew I was going to spin class in the afternoon and I don’t like to eat too close to when I exercise, so I went ahead and ate some chicken salad I’d packed plus gluten-free crackers and carrots.
I did go to spin class as planned. I probably should’ve eaten something afterward, but the snacks I had at my office didn’t appeal to me, so I decided to just finish up grading papers and then grab supper as soon as I could get home.
Supper was leftover macaroni casserole I made for my friends who went together to this big swing dance event in Denver, plus salad topped with sunflower seeds and ranch.I was still a tad peckish after eating this. Again, I was tempted to say that this should be “enough” supper, but I had a couple little chocolates also leftover from the big swing dance weekend and they sounded like just the thing.
Finally, I ate again at about 9:00. Beef jerky for a random snack because it sounded good and it seemed like my body could use the protein after a tough workout and partly because it’s what I had.
Do you ever find yourself telling yourself you’ve eaten “enough” when your body’s telling you something else?
Is it just me, or does “enough” start to sound like a made-up word when you say it enough times?